To me, what really makes a film good or bad is the direction. The director makes all of the final choices, as the film is the director’s vision. Due to this, some director’s only direct certain genres – Alfred Hitchcock mainly did suspense movies, David Lynch throws us into nightmarish dream worlds and Stanley Kubrick went all pompous and did some philosophical works on the human condition. However, what would happen if a director directed a movie which didn’t fit into their style of direction?
Below I have listed a few films which that director shouldn’t direct
– Michael Bay directs Bridget Jones’ Diary
Michael Bay is the symbol for dumb cinema and why Hollywood is bad. His films aim to please us by showing us semi-naked girls in bikinis and so many explosions that our eyes might melt. No doubt, if he directed a rom-com, it wouldn’t be funny or romantic, but rather: tragic. Megan Fox (if she doesn’t call him ‘Hitler’) would play the clumsy Bridget, there’d be an unrequited love story between two robots, and to close it all off, there’d be a meteor heading towards earth and a few explosions thrown in for ‘entertainment’. Michael Bay doesn’t do rom-com.
– Stanley Kubrick directs Die Hard
Stanley Kubrick is arguably a director with an immensely distinctive style. The precision and accuracy in all of his films is spot on perfect; yet his films are all mainstream arthouse and meticulously slow-paced. He couldn’t do action. Afterall could you imagine classical music (like in 2001) playing whilst Bruce Willis runs after Alan Rickman? No, you can’t.
– David Lynch directs Bambi
No. Just no.
– Quentin Tarantino directs The King’s Speech
The royal family might complain if the character ‘Burty’ requested foot massages and said the F-Word throughout the entire movie. No doubt, they might also kick up a fuss of the character ‘Lionel’ was involved in an ear-slicing scene. (God knows why?)
– Steven Spielberg directs Blue Velvet
You can’t put a scissor-rape scene in a family film about an alien who came to earth. It wouldn’t work.
– John Carpenter/Alfred Hitchcock directs Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone
Voldermort would be a serial killer who escaped from a mental asylum, he’d kill again…and again…and again.
(There wouldn’t even be a game of Quiditch.)
– George A Romero directs When Harry Met Sally
It’d be ‘interesting’.
Let’s just say, so bad it would be good.
– George Lucas directs Star Wars
…oh wait, he already did.
(I hate it when he does that.)
What would work?
– Alfred Hitchcock directs Halloween
– Stanley Kubrick directs Fight Club
– David Fincher directs The Silence of the Lambs
– Steven Spielberg directs The Shawshank Redemption
– Quentin Tarantino directs Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barells
Next week: what would happen if Christopher Columbus directed The Texas Chainsaw Massacre?…